


Things Could Change at Midnight

by iammisscullen



Category: One Direction
Genre: M/M, Oneshot, a bit angsty, head canon, zarry - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-24
Updated: 2013-12-24
Packaged: 2018-01-05 21:16:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,648
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1098676
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/iammisscullen/pseuds/iammisscullen
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Zayn knew he had to do something or else he'll regret it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Things Could Change at Midnight

**Author's Note:**

> I'm sorry for this. I worked on it when I was upset. So far, this is not one of the best. But bear with me. My feelings are all mashed up when I wrote this at midnight and woke up at 4am to finish it. Enjoy! :) xoxo

_‘Live for the moment because everything else was uncertain.’_ –Louis Tomlinson

 

**

Zayn lie awake, thinking of things that should be somehow simple but got complicated. He can’t comprehend how he got where he was but he had no regrets. He believed that nothing was an accident, that things happen for a reason. But maybe he should have pushed what he had wanted. It wasn’t too late, that was his only hope.

Then why was he still on bed and thinking? He should be out there and doing what he wanted because he might never get the same chance. But then, he doesn’t move. He was trying to wait for those 180 seconds of courage he had heard so much about. Maybe that would push him to get out of bed, out of his room, out to the city, and to go where his heart had been forcing him to go. So he waited.

The digital watch on his bedside table said that it was only 11:30 pm. He still had 30 minutes till midnight. He doesn’t know why but he felt like making something out-of-this-world midnight memories. And he should move now but he can’t.

His phone buzzed and he reached for it, thinking it was another text from Perrie. She had been checking on him a lot since yesterday when she had arranged a family dinner for both of their families. She was worried that Zayn’s not feeling well and she felt guilty that it may be because he was pressured about the whole family dinner. She was a sweet girl and doing her job well as his fiancée. The word still seemed so foreign to him. But he got used to people congratulating him and all, that even he, himself was starting to believe the lies he had been saying.

Everybody expected that Liam was going to marry first since he was the responsible one. Liam and Danielle were going strong that it shocked everyone when they broke up. Louis and Eleanor was the second best option for distraction but the girl was still on college. Louis fought with Management when it came down to the whole “getting-engaged” thing. And since Louis always got what he wanted, the oldest lad in the band, got off the hook easily.

How it all fell into his plate? Zayn exactly knew how. Management wasn’t happy with all the whispering, licking of ears, and the eating of candy thong that had happened during the American leg of the Take Me Home tour. So they had taken things on their own hands and told Zayn that he needed to get engaged. Him being rumored as gay wasn’t doing anyone a favor. So Zayn agreed, not because he was scared of being called gay but because he knew that such news would upset his family.

The deal was simple, hell get engage and plan a wedding or something like building a sand castle in the air. It would only be between him and Perrie and their PAs. If they could make their families believe that they were getting married because they love each other so much that they were willing to tie the knot then the whole world would dig it too.

To be honest, Zayn didn’t like the idea of fooling anyone in his family but he had to do it because he had to protect them. If he got hurt and harassed by all the homosexuality issues then so will his family. And he doesn’t want that for them. He doesn’t want his Mum being stared at in Tesco and asked if her son was really gay or was it just a rumor. He doesn’t want her sisters to be teased by twats that their brother was gay. That was why he agreed.

The text he received was indeed from Perrie, telling him that she won’t be able to make it home tonight because she was going to help Jade to plan for the girl’s 21st birthday on Thursday. He texted her back to keep safe and to have fun.

He tried to sleep again and it was all in vain, so he climbed out of bed and decided to change his life before midnight.

**

Zayn found himself standing outside Ben Winston’s house at 11:49 pm and he was freezing cold. He liked winters but he preferred to spend them inside his house and under the duvet.

He had rung the doorbell a few times until finally, Ben answered the door.

‘Zayn?’ Ben asked, yawning. The bloke was surprised to see the lad.

‘Hello Ben.’ Zayn tried to smile but it seemed that his face got frozen too.

‘What are you doing here?’ Ben scratched his head and yawned again.

Zayn yawned too before saying, ‘I’m looking for Harry. Is he here?’

Ben’s eyes narrowed as if he was confirming a suspicion but he didn’t say anything rather than, ‘Yeah.’ He nodded and opened the door widely. ‘Come on in.’

Zayn no longer hesitated at the invitation because he felt the cold sipping in his bones and it wasn’t comforting. The warmth of the house welcomed him and his very soul was singing praises. ‘Nice home,’ he said as his eyes roamed around.

‘Thanks,’ Ben replied as he closed the door and locked it. ‘I didn’t know that you’ve never been here.’

‘I haven’t.’ Zayn shook his head.

‘Make yourself at home.’ Ben smiled.

‘Thanks.’

‘Harry’s at the attic,’ Ben informed. He was heading for the stairs and he motioned for Zayn to follow. The lad did. When they reached the second floor Ben pointed at the door on the end of the corridor. ‘He’s staying there. I told him to move in the guest room downstairs but he wouldn’t budge.’ He smiled, full of fondness and Zayn can tell why.

‘Okay.’ Zayn nodded. ‘Thanks again.’

‘No problem,’ Ben replied and disappeared to his room.

Zayn walked towards that pale looking door and his heart drummed in his chest. His brain was asking him what he was doing and what was he going to say, but all his attention focused on the door, behind which Harry was.

Zayn knocked. Nobody answered.

He knocked again. Still no answer.

He wanted to knock again but he was afraid he would wake the rest of the household and that would be very impolite. He had already troubled Ben, he couldn’t bother whoever else was in the house at that moment. So when he tried turning the knob and it opened he wanted to believe that it might be some sort of Christmas miracle that everything was falling to where he wanted them to be.

A flight of stair welcomed him and he quietly – as possibly as he can with the old squeaky stairs – climbed it. It was dimly lit so he had to take each step cautiously because he wasn’t familiar with it.

‘Ben?’ a deep voice asked. You can always tell if Harry just woke up.

‘It’s me Haz,’ Zayn replied.

There was silence and Zayn didn’t know if he had made the right decision of coming there after all. He had already reached the top of the stairs and saw that Harry was sitting upright on bed with the lamp on the bedside table lighting up the small attic. The place looked like it was fresh out of a fairy tale book with its wooden floors and walls, a small window that let you see the city, a small shelf by the window with books, a bed (that can fit two persons) with white sheets, a classic looking bedside table (on it was a lamp that looked like the one Zayn’s grandma has which was from the 50’s), a wooden closet with a mirror, and another antique looking couch with chintzy designs. And somehow, naked Harry – Zayn can tell from the way the lad was topless and his lower half was covered by the counterpane – seemed to fit into the scene, with the boy’s unruly hair and sleepy eyes. It was so candid that Zayn wanted to cry at how pristine everything was.

‘I’m sorry Harry,’ Zayn said, breaking the silence that was suffocating them both. He had never been good in saying apologies because he always thought it would make him less cool. But this time, he said it first because he was desperate not to lose something he had fought so hard for, something he loved dearly that no pride could even compete. So he said it. ‘I was wrong. I know that. But I was mad when I found out that you’re going to spend Christmas with _her_ just like you did with Swift last year.’ He was letting it all out because lying and being casual won’t do him any good at all. ‘I don’t want to be left alone again.’

Harry remained quiet and if the lad continued it, Zayn doesn’t know if he can handle the heartbreak it will cause him if the lad rejected him.

‘You really thought I’ll be spending Christmas with Kendall?’ Harry asked, not mocking but soft like a kid who was curious why the sky was blue.

Zayn nodded. ‘I’m sorry.’

Harry let out a deep sigh and Zayn took it as a bad sign. Harry only sighed when he was disappointed. Zayn wanted to ask the lad if his apology was too late.

‘C’mere.’ Harry raised his left arm and with palm open, he invited Zayn to his bed. And who would have denied a naked-Harry-on-bed offer? Zayn obliged with no hesitation. He removed his pair of Nike in the process. He began climbing on the bed when Harry said, ‘You can stay but your clothes must go.’ And there was that cheeky grin on his face that made Zayn want to cry again.

Zayn obeyed, he could never say no to that demand. He got rid of everything except his pair of boxers.

‘That should go to,’ Harry whined, being the Harry that Zayn had terribly missed. He hated it when he and the younger lad would ignore each other for so long because of some petty things.

Zayn chuckled and shook his head slowly as he climbed to bed. ‘Not for now,’ he explained.

‘You better be fucking me tonight Malik or else I’m breaking up with you,’ Harry threatened and Zayn couldn’t understand how something so obscene could sound so sweet in the younger boy’s lips. Harry shivered a little when their thighs touched because Zayn’s body temperature was lower. Zayn moved away from the lad a bit so he won’t inflict his coldness – literally – on the curly haired boy. But Harry snuggled closer to him and Zayn wondered how he got so lucky. ‘I missed you, do you know that?’

People always thought that Zayn was the toughest one in the band with his bad boy image but the truth was he was such a cotton candy. Especially when it came down to the people he loved and maybe to the special lad named Harry Styles too. And since Zayn was never good with words, no matter how much he had loved literature and had read hundred of books. So instead he folded his arms around the boy and placed a kiss on top of the boy’s head as Harry rested it on Zayn’s bare chest.

Zayn looked down on the beautiful creature he had on his arms and studied him like he did before when they first met. In the little light that the 50’s lamp provided, Zayn was reminded why he fell in love with Harry Styles, the boy the world looked at but never saw. It was either the world see Harry as a villain or as a superhero but Zayn saw the boy as both. Harry was only human after all and Zayn was glad the boy was all his to keep.

Harry was an abstract art, all confusing and chaotic but beautiful. A collage that was made up of broken pieces from different things but turned out to be an outstanding masterpiece. Zayn saw the cracks beneath Harry’s façade and he found it beautiful because it was a part of the younger lad.

‘Zayn?’ Harry called sofly. Zayn hummed in response as he closed his eyes. ‘When are you going to fuck me?’ The question sounded so innocent as if Harry was simply asking what they will be having for breakfast that Zayn couldn’t help but laugh.

He squeezed the younger lad closer to him and if possible he wanted Harry to be locked up inside his heart so that one could ever hurt the boy and change him into someone Zayn would no longer recognized. But as much as he wanted to do that, he can’t. Harry needed to grow and become whoever the lad wanted to be, and all Zayn could do was create a space for the curly haired lad to do that.

‘Zayn?’ Harry called again. Zayn hummed another response and prepared himself for the silliest question Harry would ask him. ‘I’m still upset that you didn’t invite me to your Christmas dinner. Just want you to know.’ He bit on Zayn’s chest and left his teeth marks on the tan skin.

It didn’t hurt, the bite mark. What hurt was that Harry was upset and it was all because of Zayn. Anger would never do you good, he was overruled by his own insecurity that he had agreed to do that Christmas dinner with Perrie’s family and his. It wasn’t a big deal if you ask him but he knew it was huge for Harry. Last year the younger lad had celebrated his Christmas away from home, from his family, and from Zayn. And this Christmas they’ll be separated again all because Zayn was so scared of breaking his heart once more that he ended up breaking Harry’s heart and his on the process.

 

He was missing the Christmas dinner they had spent on the _X Factor_ house when they were still on the show. Zayn felt a little homesick then but Harry was there so he didn’t feel so lonely. But now that he got used to Harry’s presence in his life, he already felt the Christmas dinner to be incomplete without the boy. His Harry that would bake a mince pie with soft bottom.

‘I’m sorry Haz,’ Zayn said again because there was nothing else he could say or do to undone everything. He could have told Perrie beforehand that they should plan a huge Christmas dinner and invite the lads and their families too but it was too late.

‘It’s okay Zaynie,’ Harry comforted, rubbing his cheeks into Zayn’s naked chest. ‘We have tonight yeah?’ He looked up to Zayn, hazel meeting emerald. ‘We’re going to make it work. We always do.’ Harry placed a peck on Zayn’s lips and beamed the older lad a smile, showing off his set of dimples. After that Harry went back into leaning his head on Zayn’s bare chest.

Tonight. That was what they have. They don’t know what was going to happen tomorrow or the day after that. Tonight. That was all they have because in the daylight they’ll be on their own. But somehow it was enough.

The day end at midnight and the next one start at midnight as well. It just signified how fast things could happen and not everything would be stuck to end because a new one shall start. It meant that there was hope. A hope that he and Harry could end all their pretentiousness and start anew in a heartbeat. A hope that somehow they will not be forever scared of the coming of the daylight as it shall indicate their separation.

And maybe next time they’ll have enough midnights to be able to live their happily ever after, one day at a time.

 

_Fin._

 

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Kudos? Comments?  
> Again I'm on [Tumblr](hoplessly-inzayn.tumblr.com) and I also have a [Twitter](https://twitter.com/gwynxzcullen)  
> Massive thanks for your time! My apologies again. And happy holidays! :) xoxo


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